I had one of my strange lucid dreams last night.

I should take this time to forewarn anyone crazy enough to read my blog that I cannot control who is in my dreams and what occurs.  You will likely be disturbed.  You will likely recoil from the absurdity or think ill of my conscious awake self for what occurs in my dreams.  But you really shouldn't, because I can’t control what my unconscious mind thinks, goddammit!  Stop being so judgmental!

Also, I strongly encourage you to take out your Freudian hats and dissect what this could mean.

From what I remember, the dream started with me and a bunch of my friends staying in this small town.  It was a dusty, hot cowboy-esque town, with one Starbucks and thirteen gun stores.  It may have been somewhere in Texas by the sounds of it.

This was to be my wedding to Sarah Woo.

Yes, its true, Sarah Woo.

Not boyfriend, in fact, he wasn't even in my dream.  Hmmmm I wonder what Freud would think.

I remember being mad about both having to get married as I was mad about that fact that the wedding wasn't how I have been secretly picturing it to be.  The lights, the catering, and the wardrobe were all wrong.

Now, no offence to Ms. Woo, but we were being forced to get married.  It was political arrangement and would help bring soldiers from each of our respected families to the war that was occurring.  Yes a war.  I think this part has been STRONGLY influenced by my reading the A Song of Ice and Fire book series.  Of course the dress and settings of my dream were all modern day (modern western day….), so my mind wasn't trying to correlate to the books too strongly.

So my wife to be, all our friends, and I, were at a jewelry store trying to pick out our rings.  I was in this crazy rage because I couldn't find a ring good enough for my lovely wife.  I had ordered a ring, but the people lost it in shipping.  I kept challenging them to a duel to fight for my ladies honour, but my friends were holding me back and trying to calm me down.

Eventually Brenna, the best man/maid of honour (depending on which gender role I was suppose to be filling), calmed me down and told me to give Sarah the crazy black rose ring that I was wearing and to replace it with the ring I wanted to give her later.  When I looked at my hand a black rose ring was suddenly on my middle finger (go power of suggestion).

I went down onto one knee, right there in the store, and gave her the ring.  Everyone in the store clapped politely and banged their swords.

Yes, stay with me here, swords.  I should stop reading Fantasy novels apparently.

Sarah was being all shy and timid, but took the ring, when she put in on her hand the flower grew huge and blossomed very prettily.  Apparently, dream me has excellent taste in jewelry as everyone was very impressed.

Next thing I remember is that I am preparing for the ceremony.  Despite my rather masculine role in the dream thus far, I am to wear a somewhat traditional wedding dress (though the dress is a rather mute beige color).  I am struggling to get into the dress as I don’t seem to be able to hold it up and zip it at the same time.  Curious that I have a sword but no retainer to help me get dressed.

After a while of struggling and much cursing, I decide that I need a shower.  When the going gets though, I have a shower.  Sounds like University all over again (I was a compulsive shower-er).

I was doing my thing in the shower when suddenly I notice that blood is going down the drain and my hand is slashed quite deeply.  Dream me is rather taken aback from the wound and doesn't seem to know what to do.  I try cleaning the wound in the water and start to loose a shocking amount of blood.  I stumble out of the shower, in my naked glory, and fumble around getting weak from the loss of blood.  As I am wrapping the wound with a tube sock, I have a sudden epiphany.  I hastily got dressed and ran from the room.

I stumbled down to the basement. The room looks like a typical cookie cutter house half finished basement, all concrete pillars and unpainted drywall.  I stumble towards the only three men in the room.  Two of the three men are standing on each side of the third man, dressed in chain-mail and yielding long swords.  The third man is reclining on a chesterfield with his feet up on an ottoman dressed in jeans and t-shirt.  I go to the middle man and fall to me knees.  Huffing and puffing I bow down to my knees, “King Robb*,” huff puff, I am looking a lot of blood, “we cannot win this war,” I then clutch his big toes through his socks “we are outnumbered on all sides, no extra troops can win us more then a few battles, in time we will be overrun and our forces will dwindle!  Hear me, My Lord, we will not win this way!” (Even I am impressed with my recollection of this speech but it was essentially the dramatic climax of the dream so that probably why).

King Robb looked at me with a smile on his face, then sat up from his reclining position and put his hands on my face “You noble creature, you think this because you do not know the whole extent of the plan.”  Despite his calm, I was getting panicky and woozy, from my continued blood loss and from my apprehension about the wedding too.

Suddenly the ground started shaking and the foundation of the house was cracking, I was panicking but Robb and his guards didn’t seem too concerned.  He then instructed me to go upstairs and get on with this blasted wedding as we would need those troops soon.  One of his guards grabbed me by the arm and helped drag my now shaking body up the stairs, I could hear the wedding music playing and knew I had to get into the chapel soon.

I rushed back to my room to get dressed and as I was once again struggling into my dress I glimpsed the cause of the shaking foundation: giant lizard robots engaging in battle with steel zeppelins with car sized machine guns.  I just nodded and ate a bagel as I finally struggle my dress into place.  I chewed thoughtfully on the bagel.  I knew I would need my strength tonight for the bedding. (Sorry Sarah)

As I finished my bagel, I made my way over to the chapel awkwardly.  I was wearing chain-mail under my dress and it clanged loudly as I speed walked.  I entered the chapel and made my way to the front, passing 50 rows chalk full of kneeling, praying Tibetan monks.  At the front of the chapel stood a 25 foot tall real life Godzilla in a priests outfit.  I stood beside the pinkie toe of the monster and turned to the front just as Sarah walked in on the arm of King Robb.  Robb was dressed very finely, in a tight and flattering Hugo Boss suit, while Sarah was dressed in Care Bear t-shirt and hot pink sweats that said Juicy on the thigh.

The ceremony itself was very short as Godzilla doesn't speak English, only Monster, and just roared three times and we said ‘I do’.  Instead of kissing we each unloaded a round of bullets in the air from sparkle covered shotguns.  Then we each hopped into a Mobile Suit Gundams and went to join the battle.

The end.

* = Yes this is Robb Stark from the A Song of Ice and Fire series, I always took a liking to him despite the fact that most of his story takes place in the background and is barley touched on, I guess I just like me my stubbornly heroic kingly literary figures.